The craze had swept the entire nation,
A game? An App? I do not know,
a digital drug or abomination,
The pandemic known as Pokémon Go!
I resisted with all my might,
From joining the lumbering horde,
But I lost the internal fight,
Downloaded it…fuck it…I’m bored.
So phone in hand I took to the street,
To find these freakish little things,
I scour my block just a few hundered feet,
And an alert from the app chimes and dings.
A Pokémon, I’m on your trail,
my senses were heightened with glee,
A Snorlax? Or maybe Weepinbell?
Just a couple more steps and I’ll see…
When it came into range I was baffled,
Appearing like out of a portal,
A kind I had never once grappled,
A Pokémon known only as a Whortle.
It must be a she with a big bulbous rack,
And an ass with 200 CP,
She got the jump and launched her attack,
This Whortle was capturing me!
I sprang to life, my Cuboner did too,
I engaged this Pokémon slut,
I violated her JigglyPoo,
(Which is Poké for right up her butt),
She parried my every Master bait,
She vaulted my every hurdle,
My Cuboner continued to violate,
Until she started to Squirtle,
Through all the panting it dawned on me,
My phone I may have misread,
Instead of opening Poké,
Might have opened Tinder instead.
I’d love to say that I captured her,
But that just wouldn’t be true,
I do think I may have caught something,
Now it burns when I Pikachu.